Hundred Dollar Answer

I read a lot of magazines; for whatever reason, the excess of perfume advertisements tickle my fancy I suppose. Recently, I was reading this magazine “Real Simple,” a magazine that, from the contents, suggests that the audience is the middle-aged women of middle America.

(I should preface the remainder of this article by saying that I do not subscribe to this magazine, but rather my mother does. Additionally, I do not hold judgment towards those fine males who choose to subscribe to this magazine, nor do I think there is anything wrong with this; there are some great articles on home organization that are helpful to anyone.)

One of the columns in the paper is this small segment, probably a quarter of a page, in which subscribers can write in and tell the public at large what they would do with a hundred dollars. (I think if the magazine picks your list, you get the hundred dollars, but I’m not sure.) Organized in a pie chart form, the individual tells the price and quantity of each item that they would buy with a hundred dollars. I guess the purpose of this is to bring insight to the limited spending abilities constrained to a mere hundred dollars.

Every issue is different, though there are some consistencies; nearly every woman – yes, the pie charts are always women – would spend a quantity of that hundred dollars on some sweet confectionary indulgence, some ice cream or a Snickers bar, or perhaps nachos (not really sweet, but the concept is the same). This is rather sad to me, because I get the feeling that these individuals would only get these treats if given a small allowance. Also, each woman says that they would spend a large portion of that money on their family, taking them to a movie or out to dinner or a tank of gas for a car ride. Okay. I can deal with that.

But this article, or rather seeing this article issue after issue, has kick started my imagination: what would I do with a hundred dollars? I have several answers.

Option 1: Gamble it. What’s the easiest way to legally double your money? Drop that money in an interest earning savings account at your local bank. Second most reliable way? Hit the slots. It’s no secret that casinos are a cesspool of debauchery and poor decisions, but with a hundred free dollars, what cold go wrong? I saw National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation. If I’m not mistaken, the boy came home with four different cars…

Option 2: Food. I would buy a bunch of food. Fish tacos, sushi, noodles, carrot cake, Jello- all good things, and more importantly, physically satisfying.

Option 3: Give the hundred dollars to someone else. What better way to feel good about yourself than making someone else feel good? There’s this guy that lives by my school named Frank, and he could use the money. The Pabst Blue Ribbon won’t buy itself, you know…

Option 4: Save the cash to post bail at a later date. Better safe than sorry.

Option 5: Shopping spree. Nothing satisfies me more then spending money on clothing I don’t need. Perhaps I’ll invest that hundred dollars in a suit. Like, the arm of a suit. That should be a hundred dollars, right?

Option 6: Pay mom back. I’m sure I owe her more than this, but this is a start.

Option 7: Hide the money. Sometimes I get really bored, especially during the summer. But if I could bury the money, I could pretend I was an archeologist looking for the lost reassure of some ancient pharaoh. I realize that the money will just cycle in between being buried and being found, but it’s the thrill of the hunt that I’m paying for.

Option 8: Books for class. A sad but practical option, this hundred dollars would be well invested on some of my books for class. Probably two of them, seeing as how the cost of education keeps going up.

Option 9: A bottle of Patron Silver. And some limes. These are to drown the problems that will arise after I’ve blown the money on alcohol.

Option 10: Haircut. Who doesn’t want to spend a buck on a fancy haircut? A lot of people. At the same time, there is no amount of money that can successfully articulate how it feels to have someone else wash your hair.

I think maybe I should send in some of these “wish lists.” I don’t really need the money (actually that’s not true. I do need the money) but I think it would be fun to be in supermarket one day to overhear a 40 something year old mom say, “I don’t know who this guy is, but $100 for a shopping spree? That’s not nearly enough.”

Exactly.

-t.