Loafers: an Incomplete Essay.

     

Men are inherently lazy when it comes to wardrobe choices. Given an everyday situation, men by and large take much less time in pulling together their wardrobe than women, and even more so when there’s a special event, say a fancy dinner or a charity function.

            This of course is not to say that men overall are lazy 100 percent of the time; I am quite certain that there are thousands of men everywhere who are just like me who are meticulous in choosing their outfits on a day to day, who encounter similar amounts of stress over which sartorial choices are going to be sound and which are not, and who genuinely find a subtle amount of arousal upon hearing that Mark McNairy is doing another collaboration with a famous shoe maker. But I digress.

            Of all the things of which to be less than enthusiastic, shoes and footwear in general seem to be the one culprit that overwhelm men of all fashion backgrounds. If you’re a fashion follower, than you have a hard time sorting through your options on the daily, and if you’re not, you have a hard time giving a shit at all. Given this observation, I’ve noticed that there is one particular shoe that seems to always be the “right” choice, whether you’re out on the town or if you’re just out in your backyard. That choice is of course, the loafer.

            You may be thinking, “but Thomas, the loafer?” to which I respond, yes of course. Having roots in the dignitaries of old and fancy men throughout history, loafers have steadily been a go to choice when it comes to men’s footwear; it’s kind of like Beyoncé’s music: always a good decision. Worn mostly without socks, the loafer has proven time and time again that no laces are the best laces, and that multifunction shoes only necessitate more pairs of multifunction shoes.

            There’s been a recent trend in menswear to up the wear ability of their loafers, increasing the length of the vamp (the part on the top of the shoe) and going from daytime to playtime simply by removing the socks when the whistle blows. Whether penny loafers or tassel loafers, tuxedo slippers or horse-bit, there is definitely a wave of new and updated options for all interested parties. While slightly ballsy, this is a great option for those who love to get the most out of their clothing collection. It’s an easy packing option when it comes to air travel, and goes well with all pant choices.

            Another option that has been a steady contender in the footwear game is the camp moccasin/boat shoe, each with their respective followers. Generally an all leather option, the boat shoe and the camp moc both serve the same purpose: increase barefootedness while remaining (relatively) sanitary. The boat shoe, made famous by yacht clubbers and Frisbee throwers alike are distinguished by their zigzag cuts in the sole of the shoe, which increases the gripability of the wearer on a slippery hull surface. (And we all know that boat shoe owners all own boats. It’s science.) Likewise, camp mocs are distinguished by their gummy soles that not only stand the test of time, but also protect the foot from stray pebbles and other elements of nature. (And we all know that camp moc owners know how to set up a tent and shit in the woods. It’s science.)

            I’ve just realized that this brief and poorly organized analysis of men’s loafers may have only succeeded in frustrating a casual reader who doesn’t really care about shoes, let alone the vast amount of options when it comes to laceless choices, and for this I am terribly sorry. I also realize that this isn’t nearly enough information for the well-versed shoe enthusiast who stumbled upon this article by complete accident, and for this I am also sorry. I’m simply writing this brief memo to help the man in the middle of the road, or perhaps more realistically, to justify and clarify my obsession with not wearing socks.  

-t.